Do you have a friend whose hug is miraculously healing? I mean the kind of hug that gets you emotional because it seems to say, “I hear you, I see you, I feel your pain, and I understand you”. Do you have that friend? The one who does not need to say nor offer anything – just simply hug you. Who is that person in your life?
We have people we run to in life when faced with various situations. We have someone we run to when faced with financial challenges. There is that good listener we disturb in the night and pour our hearts and feelings to about our office problems and frustrations with people. Another one is a good “counsellor” who helps you navigate life’s situations through their insight and foresight. Then there is that one person you are not at the same education or professional level with, but still need for “unschooled” yet deeper and fulfilling conversations that can never be found anywhere else.
Have you stopped to think about these people? Have the following questions ever crossed your mind? Who hugs the hugger when they need a hug? Who listens to that good listener when they feel like talking to someone? Who counsels the counsellor? In short, who does for them what they do for us?
These friends may look fine, organised and without challenges, but they also get to fight silent battles in their lives. Their battles are silent because they feel everyone depends on them for solutions so they keep quiet and choose to suffer in silence. They believe it is their role to fix people – not the other way round. Asking for help either feels like a bother to others or a weakness on their part. It feels like a weakness because they are used to showing only their area of strength. They are not comfortable exposing their weaker side. The truth is that they also need help in their areas of weakness.
Your financial fixer might be struggling with relationship or mental health issues. Your cousellor might have issues with managing thier finances. That hugger-in-chief might be having their own struggles in life. Our friends might be fighting battles they feel thare losing, so they over compensate by winning other people’s battle as a fixer. The attention, and the help they give us is, sometimes, a way of them trying to reclaim their lives. Because they are sensitive beings, losing personal battles and/or the role of a fixer leads to disastrous results. They cannot stand to see their loss hurt their strong “fixer” image.
So the next time you see your fixer friend, tell them of how helpful they have been to you. This helps them to feel valued and restores a sense of purpose in them. But most importantly, pay attention to where they may be struggling. Are they in need of a physical hug? Is it a financial hug they need? Maybe they just need someone to listen to them vent. Will you be that person?
Everyone is struggling with something. Pay attention and you will see where your help or expertise is needed. Let us be kind and gentle to one another. We need each other.