The Cycle Of Pain – #WinterABC2022 (Day 13)

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WARNING: This post is about rape and sexual violence

A girl’s life changed when she got raped at a young age. Her young mind failed to process what just happened to her, but kept wondering why her family was still keeping the older cousin who just broke her. She did not know how to explain her ordeal to adults so she never spoke up.

She later understood what had happened in her life and became aware of what “boys can do”. When left to look after a neighbor’s child, she explored that boy’s body and got excited every time his body responded to her touch. She was a teenager introducing a 7 year old boy to sex. The beginning of the cycle of pain.

By the time she was 20 years, she had been with several guys at her school. Sex was her super power. The only thing that got her attention. The only thing that made her feel loved. She dictated when to have it, and who who to have it with. Unlike her first experience, she was in control of boys and her sex life…or was she?

Now she is married. Her innocent husband is punished by her phases of “luck of desire,” which are becoming frequent. She forces herself to grant him his marital rights but feels violated by his way of handling her. Nothing wrong with his handling ways. Its the flashbacks. Her past is alive in her present. She regains her desire but is a bit extreme. She interacts with her husband but finds herself missing the very interaction she is having.


One of the less talked-about effects of sexual abuse on victims is that they are likely to abuse sex, and probably go on to sexually abuse others – knowingly or unknowingly.

Society is now more focused on coming up with harsh sentences for sex offenders while being less focused on efforts that prevent sexual abuse. Should we not be finding ways of making it easy for children to report questionable behavior by adults, like inappropriate touch?

Nobody teaches guardians and parents on how to protect children. We leave it to natural instinct. What if we taught parents how to make our homes safe for children? You know, simple things like ensuring that all doors in the house are lockable, especially those for the boy and girl child.

The cycle of pain begins with the 7 year old boy. What picture will he have of females? What will he expect from them? How will he treat them?

What about the husband? How does he survive those phases of “zero desire” from the wife? Is there not potential for him to emotionally hurt other women?

The cycle of pain continues

One thought on “The Cycle Of Pain – #WinterABC2022 (Day 13)

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